Dual Career Prinicple 4: Throw Away the Scorecard
Let’s face it; most people keep score. We are taught to keep score in school, sports and in all aspects of business. Keeping score makes it possible for us to give an accurate account of the good and the bad events and who is contributing. Keeping score enables us to see who has performed or lived up to expectations and who has not. It is a tool used to ensure fairness and equality. However, life is not a game governed by winning and loosing opponents.
Keeping score in relationships appears to create the most difficulty for dual-career couples. It sparks competition and resentment and does nothing but cause friction in the relationship. In my relationship, I’ve confronted my husband Frank numerous times with a list of everything he’s neglected to contribute to the relationship and household. Before responding, I’d be at the end of a laundry list of, “I did this, and this, and that, and you couldn’t even do…” Someone once said, “You are either part of the problem or part of the solution.” Frank and I vowed not to keep a running scorecard. We decided to give each other motivating hints about forgotten chores. For example, when Frank forgets to take the garbage out; I don’t remind him anymore. Instead, I put the garbage can next to his seat at the dining table as a friendly reminder. It’s not something that works for everyone, but it works for us.
On the Path to High Performing Teams: Building the Best Team
Piecing together the puzzle Building the best team is like putting together a puzzle where the pieces are mixed in with the pieces from other puzzles. Define the team’s objectives A common mistake made by leaders is to assume that an arbitrary collection of folks makes a team, and that all such “teams” can achieve […]
On the Path to High Performing Teams: Goal Management
(1st in a Series on Improving Performance) I wrote the book Creating High Performance Software Development Teams about 15 years ago. It was published by Prentice Hall PTR and did OK in the market. To be honest, it didn’t do well at all. After a few years wallowing in the market, Prentice Hall decided to […]
Dual Career Principle 3: Consistent Inquiry Builds Synergy
Couples must consistently inquire about each other’s current and future career aspirations, goals, issues and feelings toward family, household obligations and level of stress. Often times, we get so wrapped up in our own personal or career issues that we forget to show concern and empathy for our partner’s goals and aspirations. With work and […]